So help me, take this pain and unhappiness away, and save me from my death...

Okay, so I've been pondering posting about what's really happening with me...and I all I can say is, I'm going through some rough things right now.

I'm sorry for the lack of updates, I just haven't had anything good to share. It's all depressing stuff, and basically complaints.

Anyway, I might as well share a bit. I've always had issues with myself. Just me in general. I pretty much hate myself, if I'm being honest. I don't think I'm pretty, thin enough, a good person, intelligent...I mean, sometimes I think I'm intelligent, but that is rare. I really only believe I'm intelligent after I've written some nice poetry, or written more to my novels...point is though, I hate myself. Plain and simple. I'm never happy with me.

And now I'm really struggling. I'm having weight issues...not that major, but a big enough deal to make my friends and family worry about me. I mean, I've lost two pounds in two days...and not in a very healthy way either. I'm no longer 108, I'm now 106. I just weighed myself like an hour ago. And that's not a healthy weight for my height. A healthy weight is about 117. Or so the charts say.

I have a problem. No, I have more than one problem, but my main focus now is my weight. I'm really struggling with this. I'm trying to fight it, I really am, but in the end, I'm still afraid it might win. I don't know if I have what it takes to beat it. I've been told I do, but I still can't believe it yet.

Anyhow, my life hasn't been the best lately. I feel as if I got stuck in the bottom of a wishing well, and the only reason why I was there in the first place, was to wish for true happiness...but somehow something went completely wrong, and I fell. Fell deep down to the bottom, and now I'm stuck, struggling to make my way back up. Because if I don't, I'll drown.