Split my skin, and watch me bleed my emotions out...

The feeling; words can't describe. Adrenaline pulsing through my vains, the feel and sight of my soft flesh, quickly being torn apart - knowing I could be caught at any moment...

It's so sick; so wrong to any human being that would never think twice about injuring them-self on purpose. But so right to the ones that understand - the ones that crave that feeling...

This is how I feel. Every time I cut. Every time I think of cutting, think of tearing apart my silky flesh, watch my blood bubble out like an erupted volcano. Nothing can truly describe the feeling, the craving...the way my arm stings afterwards, but feels so numb while in the act. The guilt and pain I feel beforehand - knowing that it hurts the man I love every time I slit my skin. It kills me. Every mark I make on myself comes with a life supply of guilt and shame. Not because I'm ashamed of my scars and cuts, because I actually see them as a part of me, and they're part of who I am - they remind me of what I've been through, and what I'm going through. It actually keeps me grounded. But anyway, as I was saying, I am ashamed of the fact I still do it - even though I know it hurts people I love.

But do I stop? No. Should I? Hell yes. Why don't I, you ask? I have no bloody idea. Honestly. I love him more than words could ever describe, yet I still do it to myself. To him. I still proceed to injure myself time and time again when I'm extremely upset. But I am trying, I am really trying. I'm am fighting my anorexia, and I am winning - I love my body now, and I'm working hard on my food intake, and not worrying about gaining weight, because I have to gain some right now. I am winning.

Now I just have to beat this vampire that likes to tease himself by talking me into slitting my skin open, so he can watch my blood pour...

I'm beating Anna, now I have to beat Dimitri. Ugh. Bloody battles. When will they end?