It's almost time again, to head back home on the road to recovery, the highway of healing

I was going through all the photos of when I was starving today. And I can honestly say I miss it. I miss all of it. The hunger, feeling my bones, seeing my bones, feeling like a beautiful super model for the first time in my life. All of that is now taken away from me. All of it.

I think every day how I'm going to slowly work my way back to where I was. How each and every day I'll get closer and closer to my goal weight. It's so far away, but it isn't impossible. I've almost been there - I was only 7 pounds away when I stopped starving. I had almost made it.

Yes, those two perfect little numbers stick out in my head each and every day, and every time I think about reaching those numbers, I remember that wonderful man I was talking about a couple days ago. I think about his opinion on how I look NOW, compared to when I was starving. And you know what? Being thin really isn't worth losing such a wonderful relationship. It just isn't. Because that's what would happen if I starved again - I'd drift away just like I did before. I did it with everyone, not just him. And I don't want to lose him or anyone else.

So point is, I think about starving all the time. And when I skip meals, it makes it particularly difficult, because then I get a taste of the feeling again - I start to remember why I had that feeling all the time. I start to remember what I looked like because I let myself get that hungry, and I want it. I want it so bad. But not as much as I want my wonderful, sexy English Llama, I'll tell you that. Looking like a skeleton is just not worth what I'd lose to get there.

So here I am - still trying my best to fight Anna, and come out strong and recovered. And in just a few days, I will be fighting with all I've got. I'll be back in the real world, with the centre, and my support group. I'll be back in recovery world. And I need that. A vacation is strangely not what I needed - although I've enjoyed it, I think it was too soon to leave the centre and venture out on my own. I wasn't ready. But alas, my journey is almost over, and I will be back on the road to recovery again in no time. Which means I'll be one step closer to fucking Anna's shit up. The stupid bitch won't even know what hit her.