What's passed is passed, and now with weary eyes and tired feet, I walk the path to my future

You know, a lot of the time I wonder if life is worth living. If one more day, will be one more day not even worth my time and energy.

Anna gets me so knackered each and every day, that by the time the day is ending, I wonder if it was even worth living through. I wonder if I should have committed suicide already - if tomorrow will be the day I do the deed. Now of course, I will not commit suicide, because it is probably the most selfish thing you can do in life. Or at least I think so. But I wonder if I was just put on this earth solely to show the world I'm here, then die after I've had a few passing glances.

You know what keeps me going everyday though? What makes each day a little easier, yet also a bit of a challenge to keep as a main thought? The one I am deeply in love with. Every negative thought that passes through my mind - every time I contemplate suicide, his words come into my head. The words: "You are brilliant, and you will fight this. I know you can do it.". That's all I need. All I need to let me remember why I am here, why I was put here, and who was put here for me to find. Also for me to remember that if I was strong enough to starve for as long as I did, then I am sure as hell strong enough to kick Anna's arse.

I don't know though. I mean, I obviously think of my family and friends too when I contemplate suicide, and hurting myself, which in turn will hurt them. But with him, he's all I need, to know that I am supposed to be here, and that once I beat Anna, there will be nothing holding me back from living the glorious future with him I know I can, and will have.

I just have to hold on to the future, and never look back at the past. Because what's done is done, what's passed is passed, and now I have the brightest, happiest future to look forward too.

So I guess all I have to say now, is...thank you for being there for me always, my English Llama. I love you more than anything I could put into words. <3