I thought I might as well write about problem two now...
Okay, so we've established that I have a weight problem, and eating issues...or, not eating issues. But that's not the only problem I have.
I've been cutting for about 4 months or so now, and I don't know how to stop that. I will say that I've cut less lately, but that's still not stopping. Which I'm trying to do. My arms, and even legs are kind of covered in scars/marks from where I've cut. And they're very noticeable...which it then gets stressful trying to hide them from people that don't know I do it.
But anyway. So yeah, I'm a cutter. And yesterday or the day before my mum made an excellent point. We're going to the beach next month, and I'll be in a swim suit...I really don't want to draw attention to myself more than I already will. So either I stop cutting before then(which is highly unlikely), or I cut back once time gets closer(most likely). I don't mind the scars at all...but after fresh cuts, it looks bad. Well, it draws attention. I personally think my cuts look okay, but that's me. Obviously. To others...well they don't know what to think when seeing them, so.
But yes, I've got two fairly major problems that I need to take care of. The weight thing shall be first, since it can get really dangerous. My cutting isn't going to get any worse than it already is, and I know that for sure. So I need to focus on my...whatever this is, first.
And also...I'm now down to 105. So. Yes, I need to work on this weight thing first most definitely.
Thursday 12 March 2009
So teach me how to love myself, and see the beauty, and love the health...guide me on the path of life
Posted by Jamie at 10:51
Labels: cutting, life, problems, self-destructive, weight issues
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2 comments:
Yes, you do. You'll get through both issues and come out on the other side. I love you and will do whatever I can to help.
Jamie, it makes me so sad that you would feel like there is something wrong with you. I know that a thousand people can tell you how beautiful you are and you won't believe it but
close your eyes for a moment
and in your mind see a love that is falling on you constantly, like a gentle warm rain, it never stops or slows and it is your birthright. No matter what you do or think or say or feel that love never changes, never hesitates, never never never stops.
my love for you is great, but it is nothing compared to the love-rain.
and I love you very very much.
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